hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
