my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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