Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
