Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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