Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
