I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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