you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
