i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
