nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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