I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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