Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
