I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
