So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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