I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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