just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
