Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
