I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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