There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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