How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
