My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
