Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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