Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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