I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
