Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
