Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
