That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
