I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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