I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
