i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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