I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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