I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
