Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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