am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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