I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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