remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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