can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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