I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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