I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
