Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
