I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
