I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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