She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize