did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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