david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
