I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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