i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
