i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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