The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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