That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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