You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
