So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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