It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
