Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
