my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
