Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
whose parrot is this?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
