12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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