Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.