oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...