Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?