I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service