I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad