idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, beer. Big fan.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
