I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
