I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
