Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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