I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
