I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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