I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
