Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize